The most popular model of the grieving process is the Kubler-Ross model. This model consists of a series of emotional stages that are experienced after the death of a loved one. Not all grievers experience the same emotions, and the order of the stages can vary. Understanding the stages can be a comfort. You’ll know what to expect.

The stages of grief:

1.      Shock and denial. This is the first stage of grief. It’s considered a survival response. Rather than feeling miserable, it’s common to feel numb and confused.

✓      Denial is a way of holding the most challenging emotions at arm’s length and dealing with them at a manageable pace.

✓      There’s only so much a person can take. Denial is one way of softening the blow while you deal with the initial loss.

2.      Anger. It’s common to feel anger toward God, the universe, your lost loved one, or anyone else in your life. Anger has no limits.

✓      It’s easy to feel anger toward everyone, including the person that skipped the funeral or the woman that failed to hold the door open for you at the bagel shop.

3.      Bargaining. After it becomes obvious that anger isn’t going to return your life to its original state, it’s natural to begin bargaining.

✓      It’s common to make deals with God or even directly with your pain. “What if” statements are also a tool during the bargaining process.

✓      Feelings of guilt are very common during the bargaining stage.

4.      Depression. This is the stage when grief starts to hit home. You start to feel empty and notice the loss on a day-to-day level. This stage can feel as if it will never end. Depression felt during the grieving process is typically not a form of mental illness.

✓      Feelings of grief are greatest at this stage.

5.      Acceptance. Acceptance is not the same as feeling like your old self. Acceptance consists of the full awareness that you’ve suffered a loss and your loved one will never return.

✓      Your life is in the present. It’s possible to build new relationships and connections in the future.

These stages aren’t universally accepted by all counseling professionals, but the Kubler-Ross model of grief is the most respected. Take note of the stages as you track your grieving process. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be patient with yourself.

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion,

who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement,

who can tolerate not knowing...

not healing, not curing...

that is a friend who cares.”

- Henri Nouwen