Gaining additional knowledge about grief can help to smooth the process. Having reasonable expectations is important.

The grieving process is complex:

1.      The only path out of grief travels right through the middle of it. Since grief is painful, the obvious response is to avoid it at all costs.

✓      But grief can’t be avoided permanently. It will wait for you until you’re ready to face it. Until that time, you’re not fully living.

2.      Overcoming grief is work. Successfully managing grief is more than biding your time until it passes. Grief is hard, both physically and psychologically. There’s a reason why you feel exhausted after a significant loss.

✓      Be good to yourself. Physically, that means eat, sleep, and exercise. Emotionally, be kind and patient with yourself.

3.      Grieving is a normal process. Feeling upset and crying are normal. How odd would it be if you felt nothing when you lost someone close to you?

✓      Just because grief is normal doesn’t mean it’s easy. Grief is a challenging, but normal, response to a loss.

4.      Grief can take longer than some expect. It’s easy for an outsider to look at a situation and determine that it should take a certain number of weeks or months to heal. But it can be a long process.

✓      The first few months can be especially challenging.

✓      Depending on the type of loss, the first round of holidays can also be hard. The first Christmas, birthday, or Thanksgiving can be difficult times.

✓      No one else can determine how long your grief will require before healing takes place. It takes however long it takes.

5.      Grief can’t be predicted. While there is an accepted outline for the grieving process, there are just as many variables. For no particular reason, one day may be much more difficult than another may.

✓      It’s possible for one person to develop clinical depression or anxiety while another avoids these conditions.

✓      You might believe you’ve moved beyond your grief, only to have it come rushing back.

6.      It’s a vacillating process. Grief is different from the flu. The negative feelings associated with the flu build and then gradually dissipate. Grief can come and go.

✓      The initial shock of grief can mask the physical and emotional pain. Your grief might be greater after several months than it was at the time of the loss.

✓      When grief returns after a period of reprieve, it can be frustrating. But over time, grief will return with less frequency and intensity.

7.      It’s not possible to heal from grief alone. Withdrawing from others after a loss is a natural response. While grief is a very personal process, keeping it to yourself is a mistake.

✓      Other people often follow suit. They believe the best course of action is to leave you alone. In many cases, others don’t know what to say or how to help.

✓      This is one reason professional help can be so valuable. You might not have another effective option for communicating about your grief.

✓      There are many support groups led by experts in the grieving process. You’ll also have the opportunity to meet others that are having the same experience.

Knowing these facts about grief, you’re in a better position now to deal with your grief, or to help others deal with their challenges. The grieving process takes time and can’t be predicted 100%. Be patient with yourself and others.

“Grief is perhaps an unknown territory for you.

You might feel both helpless and hopeless

without a sense of a 'map' for the journey.

Confusion is the hallmark of a transition.

To rebuild both your inner and outer world is a major project.”

- Anne Grant