Grief is a universal experience. Sooner or later, a friend or loved one will face a grief situation. It’s not easy to know how to proceed. Should you leave them alone or be a constant presence?

What should you say and do? It’s not an easy question to answer. It’s especially difficult if you’ve never dealt with grief yourself.

It can be uncomfortable to reach out to someone in need, but your support is critical. It’s okay if you don’t have the perfect words at hand. Provide your support in a helpful manner and be understanding.

There are many ways to help others dealing with grief:

1.      Keep the lines of communication open. Those that are grieving will approach you on their own schedule. Some prefer to be alone for a while and would prefer to talk down the road. Others prefer to have a conversation right away.

✓      Let the other person know you’re available, but avoid being pushy or intrusive.

2.      Focus on being a good listener. There’s not much you can say to help, but you can provide relief by listening.

3.      Offer assistance. Arranging a funeral and contacting the necessary people is a true burden. Offer to help with the phone calls and arrangements.

4.      Send a note. It’s easier to read a note than to have a conversation. In fact, it’s easier on both of you. Avoid sending a sympathy card without a note. It can come across as too casual and impersonal.

5.      Help raise money. Funerals can be expensive. Setting up a fund to deal with the expenses can be helpful.

6.      Help them to find the support they need. A grief counselor or support group has the expertise that you lack. There’s nothing wrong with getting expert assistance. Find a few options and gently present them.

7.      Make a meal. Those that are grieving often forget to eat. When they do eat, they often don’t eat well. Make a healthy meal and take it to them.

8.      Help with other daily tasks. Laundry, shopping, car maintenance, driving the kids to soccer practice, and mowing the lawn can provide a lot of help and relief. Consider all the things you have to do each day for yourself.

9.      Get them out of the house. Eventually, life must go on. Some people can become stuck in their grieving state. Encourage them to go out for dinner or a walk in the park. They’ll feel better and see that the world is still turning.

10.  Speak carefully. Consider what you’d like to hear if you were in a similar situation. Most experts agree that saying things to minimize the loss is a mistake. This would include statements such as:

✓      “At least he’s in a better place.”

✓      “You’re young. You can always find someone else.”

✓      “You can always have more children.”

✓      “She was old. She lived a long and happy life.”

11.  Keep in mind that the first year will be especially difficult. Stay in contact and continue offering support.

12.  Remind them that others love them. It’s easy to feel alone during times of grief. A little reminder can be reassuring.

Seeing someone you love in pain is challenging. While you cannot remove that pain, you can help. It’s difficult to walk that fine line between being helpful and being a burden. Go slowly, but do what you can. Your love and assistance will never be forgotten.

“Tears are the silent language of grief.”

- Voltaire